Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I'm Baaaaaaack!

I'm back! From what, you may ask? Absolutely nothing. I'm back from lounging around the house (as much as one can while taking care of three...yes three! babies. It's still so surreal to be able to say I have three!).

As I was reading through my last post of Clark Boy's birth, I was really disappointed in it. It felt very dry and blah to me. There seemed to be no emotion there and I'm really upset I let it our into the world without kicking myself. So this post is to hopefully make up for that sorry excuse of a post. Maybe I was so tired I didn't know what I was typing and I felt as if I had to get it written down so I wouldn't forget...I don't know but it was pathetic.

But I'm here to tell you all that Clark's birth (just like the birth of all my babies) is one I will never forget. To say that I loved Clark the moment I saw him wouldn't do it justice. "Love" doesn't begin to describe the feelings you have for your children. I wish there was a word in the English language that would capture how I feel about my children, but there isn't and never will be. I remember laying on the operating table watching Neil's face. I knew the moment my son was born by the look of pure joy and love that suddenly washed over Neil. He gasped as he saw our boy and his first words were, "He's beautiful! Our boy is beautiful!" Then I heard Clark let our his first cry and I was done for. I started shaking and crying. When Neil brought him over to me I couldn't believe how stunning he was. Ahhh..my baby boy was here, the one I had been dreaming of (more on this to come). 


Having a baby is the most spiritual experience I have ever had in my whole life. I'm able to see this being, this child of God, that just left the presence of our Savior and Heavenly Father, all for the chance to come to earth. I'm responsible for teaching now 3 children all they need to know to be able to go back to where they just recently left. They love and trust Neil and I enough to leave everything they know and come to us. I'm so happy to know that they chose me to be their mom. I couldn't live without them. Every baby brings a happy spirit with them. They are so pure and precious, so innocent...just perfect.

When Neil and I were trying to get pregnant with Claire there was a night when I had the most vivid dream of my life. I had just had a baby and was in the hospital with all my family. Neil and I were discussing names for our baby BOY that we had just had. Neil liked the name Hayden, to which I told him H no. But that baby boy I just had, that's what I remember most. He was small with dark hair and looked like my Emma. When I woke up the next morning I was half expecting a baby to be in my arms, because it was that realistic, and when there wasn't I cried. Now, ever since that dream I knew there was a boy waiting for me. That's why I was certain Claire was a boy, and when she wasn't I was totally taken back. But now that Clark is here and has joined our family I can honestly say, he was the boy of my dreams. He's been waiting patiently for his turn. It's yet another testament to me that my Heavenly Father is there and is real.

Oh, I have so much more to say. But I hear Clark crying for food and I mustn't be a neglectful mother. But I'm back, or at least trying to come back. To hold you over here is a totally creepy picture Neil took of our poor boy.


And one more for good measure. I had finally dressed Clark up in superhero attire and Neil wanted a picture, but Clark wasn't having it. We think it's because it was the wrong superhero....