My Ode to Pregnancy....

Oh pregnancy, why do I continue to do this to myself over and over? You're not a nice person and you stay for nine excruciating months. But yet every time I welcome you with open arms and a wide smile. I cry for joy when you arrive, but the cry for joy when you leave is ten times more, not just because I'm glad to see you go, but because you may not have be nice to me, but you give me the most wonderful gift of all, maybe that's why I do this again and again....the world may never know.

The Little Secrets About Pregnancy:

• They say morning sickness is only in the morning…HA! I still believe a man came up with that name, I’d love to meet a pregnant woman who only had morning sickness in the morning.
• Morning sickness only lasts for 12 weeks, yet again….HA! Try 20 plus weeks, yes that’s half the pregnancy, and yes it’s miserable, and no nothing you do seems to help.
• Every pregnant woman gets a wonderful glow. Maybe if the people who said this looked a little closer they would be able to see it’s not just a glow, it’s sweat!
• A pregnant woman is beautiful, I mean she’s carrying a baby. Yeah whatever, just because you don’t have to dawn the newly ordained stretch marks for the rest or you life, or the newly widened hips, or the varicose veins, oh and let’s not forget about the new pouch of fat on your abdomen that will never go away…real beautiful.
• Nesting, every pregnant woman gets a burst of energy and cleans the house top to bottom to prepare for the baby. You seriously think it’s a burst of energy, when said pregnant woman is carrying 20 plus pounds of extra weight around all day long….WRONG! It’s the feeling of “Oh shit, the baby’s coming and the house is a disaster. If I don’t clean it now I’ll never have time when the baby comes…” Trust me, it’s not a burst of energy, you will never have energy again until the baby’s at least one, but you do things because you have to.
• After the whole miserable morning sickness debacle you’ll feel wonderful for the rest of your pregnancy. BWAHAHA! Until morning sickness decides to rear its ugly head again the last 6-8 weeks of pregnancy. So now are you not only huge and tired 24/7, but now you’ve got the lovely bathroom as a daily guest again. Yes, only two to three months of the pregnancy will be bearable. I’ve heard of some women who seem to escape this last bout of morning sickness, and to you I said job well done, now leave.
• Some women tend to have a bit of swelling towards the end of pregnancy. Yep, we sure do and it sure sucks. Especially when your wedding ring no longer fits your finger and it takes you a good 10 minutes to get it off your finger because it’s cutting off the circulation. Oh and shoes feel like they’re squeezing the life out of your feet. Your duck feet to be exact, it goes perfectly with the waddling you will now start to do constantly because it feels like there is a watermelon between your legs.


Now, in all seriousness there are women who actually have it worse than this. At least I haven't had to go through bedrest, diabetes, or any other of the more fun things that can go along with pregnancy. I laugh because I paid quite a bit of money to go through this a second time. And the second Claire is born I'm sure I'll forget all about how miserable I am and pay to have it done yet again...and then I will ask myself why...why oh why? But it truly is worth it. To hold that precious baby you just endured nine months of hell for, it all melts away. Four weeks and six days left of this for me...then a whole new chapter begins.