Thursday, December 15, 2011

I stumbled upon this blog post a while back and have been meaning to post it, but haven't gotten around to it. If you do or have dealt with infertility, it will speak to your heart. I almost cried reading it, but since I was in the middle of class, and should have been paying attention, I refrained. This is a must read.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Life Beyond College

What, you say? Yes, it's true, after years and years and years and years and....okay, you get the picture, I finally finished my life of college. I'll be graduating with a B.S. degree in Behavioral Science, with an emphasis in Social Work. The long nights and early mornings of studying 10+ hours a day for a test (don't worry, if you know me you know this only happened for a couple of courses where the professor was especially difficult), the days of studying while you have a sleeping newborn in your arms (fond memories of those days), the days of wondering if there really was life beyond college, the days of having the most love/hate relationship with the whole idea of school, the days of having a baby then returning to school two weeks later...those are all finally behind me!

Now, I'm left with the question of what now? How is a "normal" mother supposed to act? What does she do all day long? I've been so consumed in finishing my education and running around like a madman that I'm stumped as to what to do next.

It's a weird feeling being finished with school. After I had finished one semester, I would always have this sense of completion, like a load has been taken off, but I always knew another semester was right around the corner and so, I would gear up for that. But now I don't have another semester to gear up for, my sense of completion is also one of finality. While I sit at night, after I have gotten the girls in bed, I run through my head everything that needs to be done before the next morning. The list usually goes something like this: straighten up house, do at least one load of laundry, do some homework...okay, do a lot of homework. Now it goes a little differently and as I thinking I'm missing something, I know the opposite is true, I don't need to do homework anymore...weird...

Now, as for baby bean, he/she is doing wonderfully. I went to my first doctor's appointment the other day and found out that I am a whooping 2 weeks further along than I guessed. I liked hearing that. I also got to hear baby's heartbeat (I didn't think I would get to) and man, that is always magical. I'm due June 16th, but since I'm having a C-section, that date will probably be a week earlier, and if this baby is anything like his/her older sisters, he/she will come three weeks early....but we shall see. Which this makes me 13 weeks along. I have only been sick for about a week, and it seems to be already wearing off, I haven't thrown up in 2 days, I've come close, but I haven't.

Life, it ain't easy. It's so tough, it's easy...

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Thanks a Bunch

I know November is over and it's now December, but I feel that I must write this post, as late as I may be. I've been slacking at blogging lately, but like I said previously, life is perfectly boring. I need to write a simple post to show my gratitude. It's something I need to do more often, not just around Thanksgiving, but this time of year reminds me to show how grateful I am.

I am so incredibly grateful for my Emma and Claire, they are true miracle babies in their own unique way, Emma for A) being so easy to conceive and B) she almost wasn't able to be on earth with our family. Claire for taking two years to conceive and then being exactly what I need to learn so many things. She has taught me to have so much patience, it's almost unbelievable. They are the reason I get out of bed in the mornings when all I want to do is pull the covers over my head. I'm also grateful for baby bean Thomas, that's slowly growing in my belly. This little nugget is also my miracle baby and I'm already madly in love with this babe.

Emma almost not being here brings me to my next thankful moment. I am so indescribably grateful to my Father in Heaven, for too many reasons to name, but namely for being the calm in my life, for reminding me that everything will eventually be okay. When Emma was born, we honestly didn't know if she would make it, and if she did, we didn't know if she was going to suffer from brain damage. This wasn't supposed to happen to me, she looked so perfect, to have to say good-bye to her was breaking my heart. I remember the night Emma was born, I hadn't slept for at least 36 hours and I was so physically and mentally exhausted, I didn't know if I could make it. I was continually praying to my Heavenly Father on behalf of Emma and that night, as I was saying my prayers, I kept falling asleep. I finally gave up on starting over every time I woke up, He would most definitely understand, and he must have. Because as I finally finished, as tired as I was, I can clearly remember arms engulfing me in the biggest, most heart warming hug I've ever experienced. My mind was instantly put at ease, I didn't get a voice telling me everything was going to be okay, just the perfect hug that I needed, a feeling of peace and calm, and the knowledge that my perfect baby was going to be just that, perfect. And she is. She's just as I would want her to be, sassy, witty, beautiful, and smart. There are many more instances when Heavenly Father has been there for me so much more than I deserve, but this example is the one that sticks with me the most.

I am so grateful to Neily Poo and everything he is to me and the girls, and the many roles he plays in our family. He's not simply a father, he's a daddy, a husband, a lover (yes I went there), the income earner, the cook, the priesthood holder and sometimes even the mom. Any man can be a father, but to be a dad, I couldn't ask for more.

As school is winding down next week, it reminds me of how grateful I am to be able to have an education. I will graduate and have my Bachelor degree next week and while I'm so excited to be done (it's been a long and tiring road. And the most amazing learning experience ever), there will also be a part of my life missing. It's been such a huge part for the last 24 years, and now it's over. I had a professor of mine actually warn me that I will be going through a mourning period, because I will be mourning a loss, and I can totally see that...I'm bracing for it. I've seen so many women give up on their education because they got married or had children, and it makes me so sad. Why give up on something you obviously wanted at one point because you're growing up? What example are you showing to your potential children? What are you going to do if something happens to your husband and he can't work anymore? Will you be able to step up to the plate and support your family when they absolutely need it? Sorry...off my soap box.

There are so many other things I am grateful for, these are just a few that are coming to my mind tonight. I sure did ramble...sorry.