Here's To You, Grandma Barker

Have you ever prepared for, and hoped for something for so long that you're positive you will be perfectly fine when it comes to fruition, but when it does, you fall apart?

My grandma passed away yesterday. She was an amazing woman. She did it all, cooking, sewing, gardening, quilting, you name it, she did it...with perfection. She was the one who would pick me up from school when I was sick and both parents were working, she would always let me lick the beaters after she had mixed something delectable, she always had soda in her fridge and candy bars under her T.V. waiting for the grandkids to raid, her house was the one all would congregate to every Sunday to visit. I remember the sleepovers in her bed, the fake jewelry downstairs, the cousin New Year's Eve parties, including hoards of confetti, all these memories of her and her love for her grandchildren.

During the last nine years of my grandma's life she fought tooth and nail with Alzheimer's. I watched as the grandma I grew up with and loved slowly dwindled away and she became someone else. My wonderful parents took her in their home and cared for her. For four years I would go up to Heber to watch her while my parents were at work. Now instead of her caring for me while I was sick, it was my turn to do unto her what she had so lovingly and willing done unto me. There were some very hard times, but my parents still loved her and did everything they could do for her without any complaining. While watching her, my children were able to get to know their great-grandma, she loved them and they deeply loved her. I was able to sit and watch as my grandma held my newborn daughter in her arms as she sang simple lullabies as they both drifted to sleep. My girls still love their grandma Tennie, or "Nienie".

This past year my sweet grandma has been confined to a bed, she has suffered so much. Last night, as my grandma left this life, I was able to be there, holding her hand, and reaffirming that I love her. I had prepared so long this that moment, I had hoped and prayed for her suffering to end, I thought I was ready for that moment. But the reality is, nothing can prepare you for the moment your grandma leaves her mortal body. I am so relieved that her suffering has finally come to an end and that she is finally back in her husband's arms, the arms she has missed for 22 years. I am happy for her, more than happy...I am ecstatic. But that pain is still there, I had lost my grandma many years ago, but now she is really gone.

I'm so thankful for the knowledge that I will see my grandma again, and that she will still be the one with the best pies in the world. She's left this world only for a better one, one with no pain or suffering, one where she isn't confused anymore. She will be able to sing lullabies to my children once again, and I know she's up there now, singing to my baby Clark, preparing him for the terror that is his mother. While I will miss her deeply, I know that I didn't say good-bye forever, I said good-bye for now.

My parents are the most amazing people, they cared for and loved my grandma. She wasn't the easiest woman to live with during those last years, but I know she loved them too. Everyone was Wells and Sue, she never forgot who they were. She depended on them for so much...for everything, and they delivered tenfold. I can't say thank you enough to my parents for what they did for my grandma, they made her life the best it could be, given her disease, and made her comfortable during the most trying times. They are shining examples to me and my family. I love them dearly.