Saturday, August 3, 2013

As I sit.

I hear Neil picking notes on the piano, I hear the clicking of the keys as I type, I hear the whir of the fan overhead, and I hear the hum of our home; our home in Texas.

This is our home now, I never thought I would call any place other than Utah home, I always dreamed of one day calling somewhere else home but I never thought I would have (the nerve? the courage? the confidence?) the something to be able to find a home elsewhere. But I have. It's only been a few short weeks, not even enough to say we've been her for 2 months, but it feels like we've been here for years and years. Not in a bad way, nothing of the sort, in the way newlyweds explain to others that it feels like they've been married forever, or the way a new mother will tell others that is feels like her newborn baby has always been a part of their family, I mean it in the most magical way.

I'm still scared, when I think of what's next, I've always known our plan of attack, I always imagined Neil and I in 5, 10, some-odd years building our final home and being content. But that's no longer the case, I don't know where we will build our final home. I want to go back to Utah, but I don't know if Utah will be able to offer what our family needs (mom, skip that part). .But Utah has family, familiarity, comfort, and, yes, home.

Everything has fallen into place more perfectly than I could have ever imagined, it has been as if Heavenly Father has been telling me every step of the way, "See, simply do as I ask and I will take care of the rest. I will never let you go not cared for." It's been a humbling experience, from the small things such as being able to enroll Emma in dual immersion in Texas, to the thoughts that plagued me the most...me.

That deserves more explanation. I'm an introvert, I will openly and proudly admit to that. I think it's fairly safe to say that in Utah, more specifically in our ward in Utah, I had very few to no friends. I don't say this for pity, I state it as a fact, I didn't mind. I had/have acquaintances and I had family...that was enough. Our ward in Utah was, dare I say, very unwelcoming. We had lived there for almost 5 years and upon leaving Neil and I could both say we left feeling as though we were still visitors to the ward. I had a couple friends from our ward and neighborhood, but one had moved almost 2 years ago and the other had moved just a couple of months prior, both out of state. That was all I had pretty much, only 2 people that I felt comfortable enough to stop off at their house and visit. When Neil and I moved I can tell you that only 2 people offered to help, one was out of obligation (he was just called to the bishopric and I could tell that he would have helped but he seemed relieved when we said we think we had it handled), the other was from a new girl in our neighborhood and I could tell she was genuine, but I didn't want to burden her. No one offered to help with children. Moving with 3 children was hard, hard doesn't even start to describe what we went through. I shed many tears of frustration those last few days. We weren't essential to our ward and we felt it, but again, I don't say this for pity, just as a fact and for a background for what's to come next.

The move to Texas scared me, what if I didn't make friends? Sure, in Utah I didn't have friends, but I had family. I'm an introvert and don't make friends easily...I need some sort of social interaction other than my children. I was scared, but Neil comforted me by simply saying that if we (I) absolutely hated Texas we could live there a year and come back to Utah. The first few days were rough...like extremely. I cried every. single. night. I regretted moving, I kept asking myself what I had done. I was the driving force behind Neil's decision to move. But then the first day of church came, never before in my life have I felt so loved and taken care of. After church I told Neil that people who move to Utah probably think Utahns are jerks, because seriously nothing compares to the love I felt that first terrifying Sunday in Texas. And it's never stopped. I have more friends here than I could have ever imagined possible in Utah, me and the kids are constantly going and doing with someone most days of the week. It's absolutely amazing. I have yet to hear something bad said about someone else and I LOVE it. It's a complete 180 from what I have experienced elsewhere.

Texas has been good to our family, Texans have been even better. I'm home, listening to the hum of our home, our Texan home.


The girlies ready for the new adventure!




Probably Neil's 2 favorite things about Texas.
I need to get a picture of Clark walking. It melts my heart and make me want to push him over every day! He's not allowed to grow up and not need me.

1 comment:

Erin said...

I'm glad you posted your blog of FB today. I've loved reading it! Your little familyt is so cute and you are a great writer!