Life has been so crazy, I can't even believe it. Claire is walking and talking like a madman, Emma starts preschool in a couple weeks, Neil is still working like a madman, and I'll FINALLY be done with school in December! Needless to say, we're crazy busy. Oh and did I mention that I may or may not go on to graduate school, yep, my dreams and aspirations have changed yet again. Instead of becoming a Social Worker, I may go into Nursing. Ah....the decisions of life.
This summer has been a blast! We've played outside everyday and it's been so nice, it's kind of hard to see it go, but I'm not going to lie, it will be nice to have Emma gone a few hours a week so Claire and I can have fun, that is if I'm not working (internship) instead.
As the summer comes to an end it leaves me in deep thought and contemplation. Tomorrow Neil and I head up to Salt Lake for our 4th round of IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). Yes, we're crazy and are trying for another hellion to join our clan. Four rounds of this shiz, yo! It's not fun in the least bit. We first met with our Dr. in April, did one month with just Clomid to make sure it made me ovulate, and then we paired IUI up with that. Have I mentioned before that the insemination costs 335-345 doll hairs and insurance doesn't cover one penny of that, add on top of that the Clomid, Prometrium (progesterone I have to take), and other odds and ends, we spend well over $400 a month on this.
Yesterday Neil and I met again with our doctor to discuss our options since Clomid clearly isn't covering it. It's weird, the same feelings, emotions, and thoughts that I had when we were first trying for Claire came over me all over again. I already suspected what he was going to say, but you always hope for better news, I always assume the worst, that way I'm never disappointed. He confirmed, and even went beyond my biggest "fears", for lack of a better word. He told me that this next cycle he wanted me to come in for a SIS (Saline Infused Sonogram) around day 12 to see if I had any follicles ready to be released and then do the HCG trigger shot to ensure the follicles are released. He told me that one month of that would be all I needed to do and if that doesn't work I then have two options to chose from (this is where my fears are realized).
Option 1) fertility injections coupled with IUI. That statistics he gave us are A) this is the most uncontrolled thing they do, his analogy was it's like getting in a car that has no breaks. B) the success rate of pregnancy it 12-15% C) The risk of multiples is 25-45% (yes, that is how Kate got her plus 8) D) the cost will be $1200-1500 a cycle....fun right? Not so much.
Option 2) IVF...enough said there. Statistics A) 60% successful pregnancy rate for my age group B) 50% twin to start, 35% obtained C) cost...$10,000-12,000.
I honestly think my heart stopped, seriously. I about broke down into tears right then and there, but then I put on my big girl panties and sucked it up. I told him what day of my cycle I was on and what I should do, if I should just do what I have been doing previous months or take and break or what. Apparently it was perfect timing, we did the SIS right there and found two very big follicles. I took the HCG shot last night and tomorrow we head up to see if this month is our lucky month. Because honestly if it doesn't work this month we are totally out of options. How could we possible afford either of those options, what we're doing now is taking a toll on our pocket book. The pain I feel everyday is real and tangible, to me. Having a baby consumes my thoughts day and night. To come to terms with the fact that because you don't have enough money, you then can't have more children, the children you yearn for, the children you know are waiting to come be a part of your family. It's something I would never wish on my worst enemy.
Wow, that was random! But I needed to get it off my chest and out of my head. I'm going to do better at updating and whatnot...hopefully. I can't promise anything. Peace out.
1 comment:
I didn't realize you had a blog:) I'm glad you mentioned it on fb because I really enjoyed reading about your struggle. Not that it made me happy or anything I just knew exactly what you were talking about the who way through. It was almost as if I were reading my own blog post 8 months ago. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this crap again. It really is a never ending roller coaster for those of us that don't have it so easy getting pregnant. I wish you guys the best and will keep you in our prayers!
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