Emma's Pretty Flower

Tonight I went out to eat with my family. At the restraunt we ate at they had a clown doing balloon animals and face paintings. My mom took Emma to see the clown becuase she was so enamored by all the balloons. She ended up getting a flower painted on her arm and a flower balloon animal. I tried (unsuccessfully) to take some cute pictures of her arm and balloon. I actually didn't get any of her balloon but I got a couple of her arm. Here are a few pictures. FYI Blogger is being retarded to the pictures are backwards then what I wanted them to be.

Emma's new thing is playing in the sink while I clean up dinner. This is Emma at Grandma Sue's house playing in the sink.

She also LOVES bubbles, this is from this fall but I love this picture.

Her pretty flowery arm. She LOVES her flower, she can't stop staring at it...too bad the bath will wash it off.

Barack's our New President...

I just finished listening to President Obama being sworn into the presidency. I'm not the type to really get caught up in politics so I won't say much, except that his speech was very eloquent, but I've always thought that (still doesn't change how I feel about him). I will show him respect, because he is now our president and deserves our respect, whether you agree with him or not. I didn't get to watch the invocation, but I did see the benediction and it was very interesting to say the least. It made me so happy to be a member of the Chruch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, where I get teary eyed when my little two-year old daughter says the sweetest and simplest of prayers, where you don't have to write out a pray, like you would a talk, because the spirit directs you in what to say, where you don't feel like you need to make people laugh in the middle of a prayer (is that respectful of the Lord?), where people fold their arms and close their eyes instead of talking and not even paying attention to what is being said. I didn't feel any type of spirit while listening to that prayer, didn't seem like a prayer at all, just a talk that was written out and rehearsed over and over again. I'm so glad my parents taught me how to pray so I can feel the spirit whenever I pray.

Updates With Pictures:

Well, let me give you a brief update as to what has been going on. Firstly, school has started and we are both very busy. Last Saturday my grandma died. We attended her funeral on Tuesday this week. It was very sad, and we will miss her a lot. Below are some pictures of Emma and my Grandma Mckell. Emma loved Grandma Mckell. In her last week, Emma would just sit on her lap and hug her. It was sweet.
Also below are some pictures of Emma and her Yo Gabba Gabba paraphernalia. She loves Yo Gabba Gabba.

Boy am I excited...

Well I only have a few minutes, but below are some photos of our new shelves and my new work bench. I am super excited about my work bench. My next task is to order pegs and 6S my work area. '6S' refers to a term often used in lean manufacturing, basically meaning to organize in a very smart way.

Also, here are a couple funny pictures of Emma in the bath making a new pouty face. We taught her to make that face when she wanted to put some of Ali's lip gloss on.

Thanks again Mom and Dad for the Christmas present!

Emma loves strawberry shortcake...

CHRISTMAS UPDATE!

Well, Christmas is over. We had a lot of fun visiting our families, and we had tons of fun watching Emma go crazy over her presents. She couldn't keep her hands of of the presents, and tried opening any she could get her hands on.
We are grateful for this time of year, for the spirit of giving, and especially grateful for the gift of the Atonement. We spent Christmas Eve reading the nativity story, that is until Emma threw up. We went home, and she threw up again. She woke up feeling better, and Emma was an angel the whole day. Ali and i got some food storage stuff, some shelves for our garage, some 72 hr kits, a picture of Christ, and money! Thanks to all of our family and friends who got us things this year. Below are some pictures:

Emma's present pile.

Here is the kitchen we got Emma. She also got a bunch of fake food to go with it. She loves making everybody food.

Here is a picture of Emma's car.

Emma's Easel and art kit below:

Emma's rocking chair.

Emma and daddy. I look drunk, though i am just tired.

Emma sleeping in the car on the way to Heber.

Venting...TMI

I just had to get this off my chest. Yes, I'm well aware that I'm putting my personal thoughts and feelings on the internet for everyone to see....but I need to say this, it's eating me alive.

I guess I will start from the beginning. The reason Neil and I can't get pregnant is because of me. I have extremely irregular menstral cycles. Seriously, I can go for 7 months without a period. So I never know when I'm ovulating or anything, our doctor acutally told me that even if I do have my period it doesn't mean I ovulated, since my menstral cycles are so irregular the lining in my uterus just keeps building up until it starts to break down and I have my period. He guessed that I ovulate once, maybe twice a year. What clomid does is makes you ovulate, but it has some bad side effects that makes the uterus a not too nice of environment for an egg. So it still takes longer to get pregnant on Clomid than it does for normal women. The down side to all of this is you can only be on Clomid for 3-6 months because of the bad side effects. Then the doctor usually tries different, more expensive and dangerous drugs.

Well my first month of Clomid is officially over. I was so sure I would get pregnant the first time. I knew I can get pregnant and carry a pregnancy to term, the only thing is it's difficult for me to get pregnant. But I was so so so sure this would all work out and I would find out I was pregnant right around Christmas and everything would be just fine...well it didn't work out like that. Even though everyone keeps telling me that I could still be pregnant because I haven't started my period, I just know I'm not pregnant (and Brandi I took another pregnancy test tonight after dinner and it was yet another negative).

Everything's just getting so difficult to deal with. I cry everynight, I can't go to church because everyone's either pregnant or just had a baby; everytime I hear about someone I know that's pregnant it's like another stab to the heart, especially if they had a baby after I had Emma. I don't know why this is happening to me, why Heavenly Father decides to give babies to people who don't want one, but those of us who are desperate to have one and would do anything to have another child of God don't get to have this privelage. It hurts eveyday. I'm constantly thinking about it, I can never get it off my mind no matter how hard I try. I can't keep going on like this, it's getting too difficult.

I feel so alone, none of my family has ever had infertility problems and they are constantly pressuring me to have a another baby, they don't understand that I'm doing everything in my power to have another baby. It's so hard to go through life feeling so alone, I've never felt like this before. To not know what to do next, to feel like the whole world is going on and leaving you in the dust. I look at Emma and it brings tears to my eyes. She deserves a little brother or sister, she loves babies, every time she sees a baby she runs up to it and sits there in awe talking and playing with them. I feel like I'm cheating her out of life.

Anyway, sorry if this post creeps you guys out. I just need to get these things off my chest every now and then. I will hopefully get throught this stage. I'm calling my doctor tomorrow to figure out the next step in all of this, they seem to have all the answers which is nice.