Late Night Snack Time!

This is an amazing snack known as the Grilled Mac'n Cheese.

Tuesday 8/30/11

I love my little Claire-Bear. She loves her Daddy!

Monday!

Popsicles before bedtime

Sunday

Well today started off with Emma waking me up, and the two of us watching some cartoons downstairs. Ali soon followed, and we all enjoyed a colorful bowl of fruit loops for breakfast. Claire woke up exceptionally early today, 9:30!? She typically wakes up around 11:00 or so.

When we got to church, Claire showed us how tired she was. Sacrament seems like an eternal struggle with children. We might not enjoy it now, but I bet when we're old and gray, we will miss all the chaos.
After sacrament, all the primary classes stayed in the chapel to practice for the upcoming program. This was a problem, because Ali and I are Senior Primary teachers, and Emma is in the Jr. Primary. This meant Emma continually kept coming over to try and sit with our class, but we insisted she sit with hers. She then began the waterworks. I caved, and allowed her to sit with us for a while. During this time, the microphone happened to be in my hands. She persisted in asking if she could try the mic. I replied with a stern "No" several times, until I was so sick of her asking, I sarcastically said "Yes"! I forget four year olds do not yet comprehend most forms of sarcasm. Emma quickly grabbed the microphone, brought it to her mouth and yelled,
"Hi, my name is Emma Thom-".
Emma didn't even finish her sentence. She immediately dropped the microphone, and buried her head in my arms. She began sobbing and saying,
"I'm so embarrassed!!!". She remained nestled and crying for the remainder of church.
I told her that when we got home, she would have to take a nap due to her inability to stop crying. After hearing this, I looked in my rearview mirror and saw her closing her eyes while intently repeating a phrase in a whispering voice. I asked her,
"What did you just say?"
"Nothing!", she replied.
"No, I heard you say something. Tell me." I demanded.
"I was wishing that I was at Grandma Sue's" she responded, and quietly resumed her "wishing".
After we got home, we had dinner, and then went outside to play. Emma and Claire played around in the princess cruiser. They had fun. The neighbor kids enjoyed chasing them, or letting the girls pull them on their rollerblades.



Close to the end of their playing, Emma spotted a dandelion ready for blowing. She abruptly stopped her cruiser, carefully leaned out of her car, and picked the dandelion. She examined the dandelion for a moment, and just before puffing her cheeks full of air, she whispered,
"I wish I were at Grandma Sue's!". She then blew the seeds in all directions, threw the now empty dandelion on to the grass, and continued playing. She is funny. I guess her escape from reality is her Grandma's house. Nothing wrong with that. I used to think the same thing with my Grandma.


In closing, it was a pretty good day. I am not excited however, for my wife's summer to end. She starts school tomorrow, and so begins the crazy work schedules for me, and a very hectic life for the The Wolfpack.

Fun Times

Today, after an early morning at the Dr's and an afternoon nap, we went to dinner with my parents to celebrate Ali's birthday. Below is a picture of Claire at the restaurant. She loves chips and salsa.

After dinner, we made our way to the park to feed ducks, and then to the reservoir. On the way there, Emma saw a herd of cows (below), and inquisitively said,
"Do you guys see those cows? they are doing a blessing of a baby." It made us laugh. I turned the car around and got a picture of the cows so I would remember that.

When we got to the reservoir, the girls couldn't wait to get in. Emma wasn't afraid of the water like she typically is. It was a new feeling having to tell her to come closer, and not go so deep. Didn't realize 2 weeks of swimming lessons changed her that much? They had a lot of fun.

Over all, busy day. Now the fun part begins... the waiting. 2 weeks from today, we will find if today's procedure worked. One can always hope.

Cant forget to throw this in. It is a video of Emma trying out an app on my phone, in the which she decided to sing:

Neil's Rantings

Today we went to the andrology lab at the U for a 4th attempt of IUI (intrauterine insemination). I really hope it works this time, because the next options cost quite a bit more. Regardless, we will do what it takes to get pregnant.

This is not my first rodeo. Today was the eighth time I have provided a sample of semen for some lab to clean and prepare for insemination. It remains to be one of the most awkward feelings I have ever felt, that is, walking out of "the room" where I had just "provided" a sample. Everyone knows what I just did! I can feel their stinging eyes on me as I walk into the waiting room to sit back down with Ali. The other thing I hate thinking about, is seeing the comfortable looking couch in this little room that seems to be saying to me, "Guess how many guys I've been with?". Let's just say I cover the whole area with towels before I do anything. Even worse, was The Dr. we saw when we were trying for Claire, had pictures of Christ hung on the walls right before you walk in to the collection room. That was wonderful! All in all, my part of the IUI is awkward, unlike Ali's fun time she get's to have once they clean and prepare the sample! Let's just say, I'm not jealous.

I never thought that it would be hard to have children. I remember growing up and hearing in the media how you're not supposed to have unprotected sex, because you will get pregnant! I only wished it was that easy! I especially hate shows like "16 and Pregnant", because that's a kick in the face to Ali and I. Some stupid little kids that don't even know what love is and don't even want a baby, are so easily blessed with one? Where is the justice in that? I hate it! The funny thing is though, Ali is obsessed with that show. I don't know how she can watch it.

I guess the one positive thing for couples struggling with infertility is they have no need for contraceptions of any sorts. Saves money, saves time, and makes things easier.

If it does work this time, I hope it's a boy. I have two beautiful and rambunctious girls. A boy would help with our current ratio. So many hormones already..

Well, this is all I have to say for now. Until next time...

-Neil

FYI:

I know, I know

So it's been a while...only like, what, a year? Get over it.

Life has been so crazy, I can't even believe it. Claire is walking and talking like a madman, Emma starts preschool in a couple weeks, Neil is still working like a madman, and I'll FINALLY be done with school in December! Needless to say, we're crazy busy. Oh and did I mention that I may or may not go on to graduate school, yep, my dreams and aspirations have changed yet again. Instead of becoming a Social Worker, I may go into Nursing. Ah....the decisions of life.

This summer has been a blast! We've played outside everyday and it's been so nice, it's kind of hard to see it go, but I'm not going to lie, it will be nice to have Emma gone a few hours a week so Claire and I can have fun, that is if I'm not working (internship) instead.

As the summer comes to an end it leaves me in deep thought and contemplation. Tomorrow Neil and I head up to Salt Lake for our 4th round of IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). Yes, we're crazy and are trying for another hellion to join our clan. Four rounds of this shiz, yo! It's not fun in the least bit. We first met with our Dr. in April, did one month with just Clomid to make sure it made me ovulate, and then we paired IUI up with that. Have I mentioned before that the insemination costs 335-345 doll hairs and insurance doesn't cover one penny of that, add on top of that the Clomid, Prometrium (progesterone I have to take), and other odds and ends, we spend well over $400 a month on this.

Yesterday Neil and I met again with our doctor to discuss our options since Clomid clearly isn't covering it. It's weird, the same feelings, emotions, and thoughts that I had when we were first trying for Claire came over me all over again. I already suspected what he was going to say, but you always hope for better news, I always assume the worst, that way I'm never disappointed. He confirmed, and even went beyond my biggest "fears", for lack of a better word. He told me that this next cycle he wanted me to come in for a SIS (Saline Infused Sonogram) around day 12 to see if I had any follicles ready to be released and then do the HCG trigger shot to ensure the follicles are released. He told me that one month of that would be all I needed to do and if that doesn't work I then have two options to chose from (this is where my fears are realized).

Option 1) fertility injections coupled with IUI. That statistics he gave us are A) this is the most uncontrolled thing they do, his analogy was it's like getting in a car that has no breaks. B) the success rate of pregnancy it 12-15% C) The risk of multiples is 25-45% (yes, that is how Kate got her plus 8) D) the cost will be $1200-1500 a cycle....fun right? Not so much.

Option 2) IVF...enough said there. Statistics A) 60% successful pregnancy rate for my age group B) 50% twin to start, 35% obtained C) cost...$10,000-12,000.

I honestly think my heart stopped, seriously. I about broke down into tears right then and there, but then I put on my big girl panties and sucked it up. I told him what day of my cycle I was on and what I should do, if I should just do what I have been doing previous months or take and break or what. Apparently it was perfect timing, we did the SIS right there and found two very big follicles. I took the HCG shot last night and tomorrow we head up to see if this month is our lucky month. Because honestly if it doesn't work this month we are totally out of options. How could we possible afford either of those options, what we're doing now is taking a toll on our pocket book. The pain I feel everyday is real and tangible, to me. Having a baby consumes my thoughts day and night. To come to terms with the fact that because you don't have enough money, you then can't have more children, the children you yearn for, the children you know are waiting to come be a part of your family. It's something I would never wish on my worst enemy.

Wow, that was random! But I needed to get it off my chest and out of my head. I'm going to do better at updating and whatnot...hopefully. I can't promise anything. Peace out.