I had my appointment this morning to have an ultrasound and get started on taking the injectable medicine. I'm laying there and the first this the doctor says is, "Well, there's a hemorrhagic cyst right there." He measured everything, then came back to the cyst...it's the size of a kiwi. He told me that this month I'm going to have to rest, doing injections with a cyst is too dangerous...not what I was expecting...
If I don't start my period in three weeks then he will put me on Provera, do another ultrasound, and go from there. Neil wasn't with me this appointment, the first time he hasn't been with me and it was probably the time I needed him the most, but again, we weren't expecting the appointment to go as it did. As I was getting dressed, I kept telling myself not to cry until I got in the car, I could wait that long, and I did....barely.
It's one roadblock after another, after another. I try to stay strong. I try to tell myself that it will happen in due time. But this is getting to be too much. How much more can I take til I break? Sometimes I think that just stopping would be best, but when I really think about it it breaks my heart. I can't give up, not now, I can do this.
Here's to next month...
5 comments:
Hang in there. Dan and I took a break before getting pregnant with Lukas. We felt like we needed to focous on something else for a bit. It was hard but just what we needed. We fasted and prayed and got our emotions in check and came back stronger. When we went back to fertility treatments it was easier to handle. Maybe a month to rest will be just what yoy need.
I think Brandi is right, maybe the break is well needed to bring your thoughts and emotions back to square one. Its not a desired break, but maybe afterwards you will realize you needed it. I wish I could take the pain away. Im so sorry Ali. Keep being your best self. Put your best foot forward. Its hard to go through trials when the timing is not what we were expecting, but one thing I've learned from my trials is the timing was always the hardest part..... but thats where we gain the experience that I needed. Of course we dont see that while we're in the thick of it. No trials is ever waisted. It will contribute to your faith and testimony and your willingness to go forward with faith. Im sorry this is so hard for you, but your efforts are being noticed, and the man above is aware of you. xoxoxox
i want to give you a hug. let me know if you need anything
Thank you guys! Today's just been really hard. I feel like I've been in a fog all day. Tomorrow will be better. It's only a month, right?
I am so sorry you guys:( So, So frustrating. Its like a no exit round-about! Keep writing about it. It really helped me to just write it out on my blog and retail therapy helped for like a few hours:) This is something you can totally get through but like other times in the past you know it wont be easy. Nothing is ever easy but who said it would be right?
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