A Big Fat No

That's what the pregnancy test told me when I nicely asked it if I was indeed pregnant. Nada. It's weird because this month I was okay with it...somewhat. I had a feeling before we even started that this month wasn't the month for me. I think that was one of Heavenly Father's tender mercies for me in my time of need, you know, to let me know and have time to accept the fact that I'm not pregnant before the dreaded negative comes. I didn't even cry when I found out, I almost did a few times, but I didn't. I was proud of myself. I've honestly had many feelings about this process, most of which are too personal to share, but I've known that this process is going to take longer than I want it to take, and other little intuitions. I'm thankful for those, they let me know that my loving Heavenly Father is still guiding me through this. He's still listening to my pleas, and that he still loves me.

Now Neil and I have had multiple talks about where to go if this did happen, what our choices are and what we want to do next. We've researched everything IVF entails and have decided that, at least for right now, that's not the best option for us. With me in school and juggling everything else we're juggling, I honestly don't think we could do it and stay sain. So, with that being said, we're going to do the injectable meds. We start the whole process on Monday morning. I don't know what it all entails, so I'm a little nervous about the whole process. All The nurse said was you do multiple ultrasounds and daily injections until you're ready for insemination. Sounds so pleasant, right? Yeah, I don't think so either. I have to keep my eye on the end product...another precious baby. Neil and I have decided that we will do this for one, maybe two months and then go from there. But I don't want to think about that. Let's just hope this month works. Think happy thoughts...