It feels like I get that advice quite a lot while trying for a baby. "Just relax, stop thinking about it. It seems that whenever I stopped thinking about that is when I got pregnant." Well good for you, it's not so easy for me. I kind of really have to think about it, and I try my darnedest to relax. Some of my other favorites are, "Just remember that God's timeline is not our timeline and it will happen when Heavenly Father sees fit." But I must admit that my all time favorite is, "Well, just be grateful you already have two children." Really? I mean, really? You're really going to throw that back in my face? It's like you're saying to me, "You already have two children so stop your whining!" You don't think that hasn't crossed my mind before? You think by telling me this I'm going to walk away and think, "Oh my gosh! They were right! I need to get over it." Thank you, but I am extremely grateful for my two beautiful daughters. They are my life and love, I don't know where I would be without them in my life. The other day I was talking to a family member about this exact advice and I love her response, she stated that whether you have no children or 100, if you want another child, the heartache is the same. I couldn't have said it better myself.
Don't get my wrong, I know people who give me advice aren't meaning to be rude, they are honestly trying to help. They don't understand that their advice hurts me and continually reminds me of what I already know. I know to relax, and I try to. I know that God's timeline is not our timeline, every night I pray to him for patience and the knowledge of his plan for me. Don't get me wrong, I also pray for a baby, but I know that going through this is a learning experience, and I know that I need to learn patience. And I know that I already have two children, thanks for the reminder. Just FYI, if you know someone is dealing with infertility, please, PLEASE don't give them any advice, I can pretty much guarantee they don't want to hear it...that is unless you have also dealt with it and they ask you for advice...
As of now, I'm in the middle of the dreaded two week wait, the time between the IUI and the time I can take a test to see if I'm pregnant. It's excruciating, I read into every little thing...probably too much. I expect the worst, but hope for the best. It's a 24/7 mind game in this household.
6 comments:
when i miscarried the thing i heard alot was "well be greatful you have braylee" or things to that extent. And really.. of course i am so greatful that i was blessed with my daughter but it doesnt change the fact that i was hurting. That i was in a rough place with loosing a child, even though that child was the size of a lima bean in my belly.
people just try to look at the positive to try to make you feel better. But it can be more frustrating than anything.
It really is frustrating, isn't it? I honestly think that one is the most hurtful. Especially in your situation. I know they don't know what to say, but sometimes the best thing is to not say anything at all.
Well I hope I dont fall into that group of people who say stupid crap like the things you have listed! YOu know we're behind you guys all the way. We hate to keep bringing it up, and of course we know we'll hear it if you guys find out your pregnant-but we are interested in your feelings so if we ever seem nosy, its just cause we care :) Nick and I have been keeping you guys in our prayers. Just know that you have our support and we'll help in any way we can. I really hope I havent said anything dumb, cause I do realize that there is money, time and more importantly there are desires involved....and think all your desires are righteous and deserving. I really have no wisdom to give other than just keep being prayerful so that peace can be with you guys during your struggle. Love you ooooodles!! -Amera
Amera! Trust me, you have NEVER said anything along these lines. These are things I've heard from acquaintances, from people who don't even know what goes on. I don't mind talking about things, you know I'm extremely open when it comes to my "issues", I just don't like people who barely know me giving me unwanted, unhelpful advice. We love you guys too and we are forever indebted to you guys for your help, you have no idea how much your help means to us.
We love you Ali!
I totally loved when people told me to relax! I just felt this weight lifted off my shoulders and the tears just stopped coming..............NOT! People seriously just don't know what to say or how to react. It's really frustrating not to just yell at them and tell them they have no freakin' idea what they are talking about or how much they just hurt you by saying that.
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